Changing My Perspective on Confrontation
Have you ever been afraid to ask for not only what you want but what you deserve? I've struggled with this most of my life. It started when I was a little girl. I grew up in a home that had a lot of love, but just like every family, we had our issues. So many, I felt like there wasn't any space for any of my negative emotions. I would often minimize myself so that I wasn't a "problem" or didn't bring too much attention to myself. This feeling of inadequacy followed me into adulthood and not only affected my friendships, but also my personal relationships.
I was being a good friend to others. Allowing them to show up, flaws and all however I refused to let people in. I wasn't being honest with others and most of all myself. Everything was "I'm okay", "It's fine", "I don't care". When usually I did. A lot! I was just afraid that if I CONFRONTED the issue I wouldn't be accepted, loved, and worst of all, understood. I thought there wouldn't be space for me.
So, now I bet you are wondering, what does all of this have to do with confrontation? I was so afraid of losing the people I cared about, I wasn't communicating when I wasn't okay. I was avoiding all semblance of confrontation. And OF COURSE, as emotions do, these negative feelings found a way to come up anyway, but not in a healthy way. They would become outbursts, I would find myself becoming bitter, angry at my friends for not being there for me, angry at my family for not showing up, when I never gave them the opportunity to be there.
Now, here I am at 29. Exhausted with pretending to be okay. I am now very clear on what I want out of every situation and what I don't want and I communicate accordingly.
Best decision I ever made 😊
Thanks for reading and I hope this message connected to you in some way.